~UlaFish

All too often, I encounter one. A parent with their fat, drooling little cherub straddled on his or her hip, a spouse with one or more other offspring in tow following closely behind. These people give others smug looks, as if to say “don’t you just wish you were in my place?”
No, no I don’t.
In fact, I’ve decided that once I’m married, I’m going to find out the average amount of money a couple spends on raising a child each year. It will be my goal to put that amount away every year, in a bank account that I’ll refer to as my “travel fund.” And so, at any given time when another couple our age is wrestling their screaming, pooping brat into a puke-filled mini van car seat, Robbie and I could easily be touring the Louvre, swimming in the Mediterranean, or sipping dark n’ stormies in some rain-soaked bungalow somewhere.
Although I’ve never had anyone say this to me personally, I’ve had other friends with no desire for children tell me that they’ve been called “selfish” in this desire to live their lives for their own personal fulfillment. This is, possibly, the most retarded argument I’ve ever heard against any one thing. Isn’t the true selfish act that of bringing a new person into an already desperately over-populated world? It’s as if none of the billions of people already in existence are good enough for them, no…there must be more people sharing their own, oh-so-precious DNA.
In trying to understand the desperation for spawn, I’ve asked people for their reasons behind the desire, and one of the most popular answers is the wish to leave behind a legacy, to continue their family name. But what kind of legacy is that? Anything with a uterus can crap out a baby, aside, of course from the sterile, and thank goodness for them! Could they not instead take up a project, such as painting, politics, writing, activism, anything constructive or creative, and leave behind a legacy of thought, artistry or love?
Another common response I get when I ask others about their motivation behind reproduction is that they like children, and want to experience the pleasure of raising them. If this is the case, why not take in one of those poor kids who has no home, no family? Or, failing that, volunteer at an orphanage. It seems to me that that’s what a person would do if they truly loved and cared about children. In insisting on their OWN children, they prove only that they love themselves.
The religious responses to the question most commonly assert that God commanded we “go forth and multiply.” If this were true, it strikes me that it would be “his” way of ensuring we bring about our own quick and horrific end, without his ever having to lift one omnipotent finger.
The Government, of course, contributes to the problem of reproduction. Always focusing on benefits for families, families and more families, devaluing the individual and rewarding jobless beer-chugging baby factories with welfare…in other words, everyone else’s money. Wouldn’t it make more sense to reward them with a nice, free sterilization or birth control? Not only would this help ease the strain caused by over-population, but it would prevent the rest of us from having to support what would otherwise have been an endless parade of future welfare recipients.
I’ve been told more times than I care to think that eventually, my “maternal instinct” will kick in and I’ll just HAVE to have kids. My response is that however strong my instincts may be, I also possess a
thing which at times can overpower even that…the magical phenomena known as THOUGHT. And I THINK that we as a people need to make a choice. Either seriously slow our rate of production, or stop living so damn long.